The only reason I go out

My younger sister likes to get involved in the girls youth ministry at our church, but has a bit of trouble clicking with the other girls. I used to not go to events because I don't feel accepted, I feel very judged. But my sister has expressed her distress about "making friends" to me. So now I try my best to go with her. I ask her if she wants to go to events that may be happening and I make sure I can go. The only reason I go to these events is to help my sister feel safe, comfortable and confident. Friends, siblings are important, remember that please, because one night you will get up at 3am to pee and you will hear them sobbing as you walk past your door. I used to be part of the reason that happened. Please don't hurt your siblings, they need you more than you think.

An open letter

I want to restart. this restart is a clean slate for us, which means that to me, we are literally just starting to date. Everyone else might think we are "still together" but for me this restart means we are actually just starting and that we weren't together before. That means in my eyes, Im a virgin. That also means you don't know anything about me, and I don't know anything about you. You need to get to know me again. That means that you need to treat this like a new relationship if you want it to continue, because I'm not going to waste another summer waiting for a boyfriend to reply to my texts all day. This also means that to me, right now you are just some guy I like and that you aren't my boyfriend yet, you have to earn the title again. This is your second chance to make this work, and if you can't make it work this time, I'm not sure I'll be able to make it work.

My sexuality vs. You knowing

It's a simple thing, sexuality, it's about who you are attracted to, and it's not that hard to figure out. I recently came out as bisexual, to my big brother... Not really on purpose... It kinda just happened... And I asked him not to dwel on it, 1) because it's unnecessary and 2) because it shouldn't be a big deal, I'm attracted to who I'm attracted to. I'm not the kind of person who keeps secrets, but I also believe that society isn't obligated to know everything about you, if you feel comfortable talking people about specific things, great! But if not, you aren't obligated to "come out" because it shouldn't change how people look at you, or treat you, and it's really only you and your partners buisness anyways. But that's just my opinion.

Broken china

There was once a family of china dolls. They were all unique and beautifull. They weren't perfect, but those imperfections were what kept them beautiful. They were filled with beautiful things too, things like love, tenderness, passion, creativity. Unfortunatly, one of the young dolls had cracks in her feet, she would get filled with the same wonderful things the others got, but once it got to be too much, it would drain through the cracks leaving her empity. The other dolls barely noticed, except the fact that there was always messy footprints where she went, and puddles of wonderful disaster. They would help her fill up without realizing it either, showing her where to find the wonderful things to fill up again. But she still drained out. Sometimes she wondered if it would be easier if she just got smashed alltogether, it would save more wonderfulness for the others. She never acually smashed herself, or any other parts of her, but the result of her emptiness showed. Small cracks in someone else's hands, a smashed set of toes, a crack across someone else's back. Just small things that showed that she didn't have control of the leaks and breaks. She helped everyone else, devoted hours to glue and pastes, yet her feet never fully got fixed. she never had the time, or she couldn't reach. 

The force of nature

Everyone says nature is a force, but in reality, it's just forced. Wolves are forced to hunt to survive, the world is forced to change by the creatures inhabiting it. Young females are forced to choose a mate, make a family and care for them. Young males are forced to become providers, work and toil for families that later on are forced to go seperate ways, if it's their own new family, a different choice or a mistake that shuns them. Forced smiles are expected from young girls, forced strength is expected from young boys. And none of it is really a choice, there is always an ultimatum, either you do this, or this will happen, don't do this and this won't happen. Nature is a force, a force that holds us on the ground, spinning wildly around the sun, hanging in the middle of space, listening to the echos of our parents and other people who were forced to force us. Nobody knows when it will end, or if it will at all, but if it does end, it will be forced, just like the rest of us.

personal drama

Sometimes you meet someone and you just know they won't stick around, yet you befriend them anyway. I had a one year friend recently, but she was toxic. She is abusive, an manipulative, she doesn't understand that the world doesn't revolve around her. She needs a reality check, and when I tried to hold her accountable for her crap, she flipped shit and "cut me out". I feel sorry for her though, because she has no idea how to handle the real world, because everything is handed to her on a silver platter. I personally don't believe it is healthy to feed the thought of "hate" and I try my best not to be rude to her. Unfortunately even those close friends that you think wont hurt you do. One of my closest is currently in a very self destructive situation and she has no idea how to handle it, so she assumed she could just change my life instead of her own. I desided that I need to stop letting her call all the shots in my life, so I am no longer speaking to her, she needs to realize her priorities, and that she is hurting other people, and I'm not going to waste my time trying to explain myself to someone who dosnt want to listen, and who disregards my feelings as a joke. I'm ready to talk when she is ready to treat me as an equal.

Your modern every day fairy tail

In honour of valentines day I wrote a pice on my first kiss with the love of my life... So anyways here it goes!!

He held me tight, as we sat hidden beside the piano in my livingroom. His lips danced across every inch of my face. I looked up at him and his molten caramel eyes captured me as I fell into them. He pressed his lips softly against mine as his fingers grazed the back of my neck. My eyes fluttered shut, and my whole body melted into his as he deepened the kiss. Then, when I finally came up for air, I mumbled "I Love You" clumsily against his lips. He smiled, and kissed me again.

It was something you only read about in books.